Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize