The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
