Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
