Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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