I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
