How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize