yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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