well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
