I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
