i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
