I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
