and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
