You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
