he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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