Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
