I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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