We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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