Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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