Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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