i would punch a child for taco bell
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
