Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
