As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
