I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're too hungover to prance.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
