I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
