just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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