All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize