sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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