It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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