my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
