He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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