Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
