I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
