Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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