I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
