So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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