I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
