halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
