You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
