You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
