Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
