At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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