i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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