Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i out mim tonsoeep
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
