i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize