its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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