Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
