apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
