Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
