In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
