One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
