like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
