I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it hurts more in the daytime
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
MIDGETS
????
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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