how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
