Having a random hookup so left but love u
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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