We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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