im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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