its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
