It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
