I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
