im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So much Jack, so little girl.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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