ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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