lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
