hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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