I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
