hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize