I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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