btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
