If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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