Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
