Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
