GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
