nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
