Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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