Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
