Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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